it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
