i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
