The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
