mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
