I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
