i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
