Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize