I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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