Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
