im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
