i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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