I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
