are you still at the devil's house?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
