my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
