my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
