Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
