What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
