I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
