So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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