If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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