It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
