really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
