Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
