If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
