Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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