So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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