Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
FUCK WHALES
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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