Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
