you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
