You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
