He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
