he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
