I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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