Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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