How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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