Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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