while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
