now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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