he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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