mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
