Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
