I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
