You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
