All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
