I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
