I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
