im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
