sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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