btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
