Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
