Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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