she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
