I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
